On occasion, I’ve been known to post on Twitter or Facebook that I’m having a rather unpleasant or challenging day. And, sometimes, I don’t bother saying it with that much finesse. On Twitter, when that happens, I typically get a few @ replies with, “Me, too!” or “Hang in there. Sounds like you’re having my yesterday.” On Twitter, I have cultivated a community of like-minded lovelies. Basically, I follow and am followed by smart people who don’t shy away from sarcasm or snark. And, I love those people.

On Facebook, however, I’ve ended up with quite the hodge-podge. There are the people I knew back in high school; a few more from college; some former colleagues; actual friends (people I know and socialize with in real life); social media friends (people I’ve come to know and love, but have never actually met in real life); people I’ve met once and felt I should accept their friend request because they are friends with my friends; people I’ve never met, but felt I should accept their friend request because they are friends with my friends; and people who are friends of friends that I want to stay friends with and so I friend them. For the most part, my Facebook folk are pretty cool. But, there is a fair percentage of people — both in my feed and those of friends — who really, really have a need to blow sunshine up your ass, especially when you’re having a bad day.

After I posted “The ‘I’ of the Sh*tstorm”, I got a lot of calls and emails from friends — some giving their support, feeling bad because they had no idea what had been going on, and others who were knee-deep in their own shitstorm relating to what I had written. What I got from a lot of those in the storm was a disclaimer as we talked: “I know I’m really lucky because at least I have a job…” or “I know it could be worse and I really shouldn’t complain…” and “I’m grateful to be working…” And I would stop them right there.

Of course it could be worse. Duh! The list of the ways it could be more rotten is endless, so don’t even bother with giving one example. We’ll use our vivid imaginations.

Of course you are grateful for your job, no matter how shitty it might be. That’s a given. When was the last time you heard anyone say, “Oh, gawd. Can you believe those people actually are paying me today? Geez. Now I have to go to the bank and deposit that money. Now, all of my checks will clear and I can pay my rent. FML, you know?” Seriously.

Most people don’t need disclaimers because we already *know* what the alternatives are. No shit it could be worse. But how bad does it have to be before someone is simply allowed to gripe without being criticized by those who are disappointed that you don’t see how lucky you really are, because, you know, you really don’t have it *that* bad.

In that sentiment alone is a great deal of assumption. We seem to feel that we know everything going on in everyone’s lives because social media is rife with TMI. One might believe you know it all about everyone in your feed because, surely, they would share their most intimate details in a status update, right? Wrong. Only my closest of close friends knew the extent of the shitstorm I was in earlier this year. What was I supposed to post? “Still haven’t paid rent and it looks like I’m going to be on food stamps soon. Holla!” I don’t think so. Clearly, it could have been worse because I was able to post my rants (and joys during that time, believe it or not) on social media, which meant my smart phone and/or internet were still on. Bonus!

I get that some folks really need to find the upside to everything. I used to admire that, but now I find it to be a pathology. I mean, seriously, how silly would it be for people to post things like: “Having kind of a crap day. Lost my job, got a parking ticket and my rent is going up…but, hey, at least I’m still alive! w00t! Drinks are on me!!!” without any hint of sarcasm? It doesn’t work that way. Sure, we could simply skip sharing the bad stuff altogether, but isn’t that what friends are for, too? To help you when you are down? That’s sort of how it works in my life. And thank God for that.

I hate to break it to the overly-optimistic (some of whom I suspect are on mood elevators), but everyone is allowed to have a bad fucking day. And they are allowed to have one without having the upside shoved in their faces. Know why? BECAUSE THAT’S THE WAY LIFE WORKS! Some days are good, some are bad, some are glorious, others are awful, and most of them are a heady mix of all of the above. Bitching about a bad day doesn’t mean there’s a lack of gratitude for all that is good and wonderful in our lives. It just means we are having a bad fucking day.

Before you feel the need to point out the obvious good in someone’s life, why not take a moment to go through the streams of these seemingly negative, gloomy people and take note of the posts that show the gratitude of good friends and lovely days, the lucky breaks and, yes, the happy hours. Most of us post as much about the good as we do the bad. Granted, there are some people who are perpetual victims, those emotional vampires who are dead set on sucking the life out of you. I don’t have friends like that anymore. Those are people you are better off blocking, hiding, de-friending or un-following, both on- and offline. But most people who post something snarky are just having a bad fucking day. Let them have it.

What I find most irritating are the comments that say, “It could be worse. At least you don’t have cancer!” Right. That’s the alternative? I am only allowed to have a bad day if I have cancer?

Well, what if I had a friend with cancer — one whom I used to go up and stay with, visit with her and her family, make her lunch, them dinner, take the boy to and from school, do some laundry, try to make her laugh, try to distract her from her pain — and what if that friend was taken by that cancer only a few months ago? Can I have a bad day then? Because I can tell you that everyone who loved her is having their share of bad days. And we all do our best to pull ourselves out of them, sometimes by focusing on things that make us happy…and sometimes by finding something else to be pissed about. Whatever works.

I realize stuff like that is an innocent mistake. Some people just don’t know what you are going through. Believe it or not, I really don’t post every emotion, thought or feeling I have…even though it may seem as if I do. I think that the people who make the cancer comment haven’t really had cancer in their lives. So, I kindly ask that everyone please leave the cancer out of your comments. Not only is it potentially hurtful, it’s simply inappropriate. Because we’re all allowed to have a bad fucking day no matter what our health status is. Venting is healthy, goddammit! There. I feel better now.

Sometimes, when we put up those seemingly negative posts, it’s because we find our bad day funny on some level. Because, you see, we aren’t negative people refusing to see the upsides, we are just having a bad fucking day. It’s allowed. And, when you have your bad fucking day, I’ll let you have it in peace without the need for disclaimers, descriptions of gratitude, or the sunny side of life shoved up your backside. Because, yes, we all know it could be worse. But, right now, it’s just bad enough, isn’t it?

You also have permission to hate your crappy day job all while being extremely grateful for it. You get to be frustrated that your life isn’t going the way you had hoped or worked for, and still feel blessed for all that you do have. Know why? Because you are human. You get to be a walking, talking paradox. You are likely a passionate, creative person who wants more from your existence. And that’s a good thing. That’s something I have great respect for. So, when you are around me, please know that you have permission to have a bad fucking day. Scream, rant, laugh, cry, eat, drink, feel it all or just numb out. Yeah, tomorrow is another day, but who gives a shit? If right now sucks, you have permission to let it.